An Iowa Coach/Volunteer’s Open Letter to Sports Parents

Hey parents, we have made it to about midway through the summer sports season. Things like youth baseball and softball continue to run and summer leagues for soccer are officially underway, with more action to come as the school year begins.

It's the busiest time of year for pretty much everyone. Vacations. Practices. Tournaments. Games. Reunions. It's all happening at the same time. And when that happens that dreaded and reliable 'friend' stress can creep in and ruin what are supposed to be fun, exciting, and enjoyable times. Instead of living in the joy of that moment, you're worrying about the next thing. I get it. It can be overwhelming, and it can lead to anger.

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Which brings me to the topic of the day. Parents, please take a responsible and mature approach with other adults, volunteers, coaches, and referees this sports season. Make it a point to not be overwhelmed in the moment, or to let those compiling stresses cause you to say or do something you might regret. Listen I am all for supporting your child, vocally and physically. Raising them up, cheering them on, coaching them, and encouraging them to stick with a sport, even when it's tough.

I am NOT about berating other children, adults, or the officials. People who are simply offering up themselves (and their weekends) to make a sports season happen in our small rural communities for our kids sake. Stats have shown that most referees quit within the first year. In fact, in a survey from 2020, 57% of referees surveyed thought sportsmanship was getting worse, with respondents saying that parents, coaches, and fans set off the biggest problems, and in that order.

Additionally, those problems seemed to stem most heavily from the competitive youth side of these sports. That's tournament and traveling teams, mostly. I can get that, as maybe there is a little more 'skin' in the game at that level. Still, you'd be better served by a level head at any skill level.

Listen, I know sometimes the refs can get it wrong, but please leave that discussion to the coach and the ref. And coach, try not to be such a jerk when explaining your side and backing your kids. You can be calm and collected and still get your point across. A ref is more apt to work with you when you respect how they manage the game. And this is coming from a guy that's been on both sides of the equation (usually the coaching side though).

What it comes down to; our kids need good role-models. Adults they can look up to, emulate, and be inspired by. That version of your kid doesn't include a dad or mom that storms onto the field to take a pound of flesh from that volunteer coach, or a ref who just missed the offside call (Hey, I coach soccer, what can I say?) We need to show our kids how they can be civil and still disagree with a "bad" call. And then: GET OVER IT. Move on and focus on the things that they can control, like how they play, and react to adversity. Remember your attitude is always your choice, and I'm no different. Sometimes I need a reminder of that, especially when working with young kids who have the same aspirations and dreams that I had, when I didn't know how to kick a ball.

Speaking of which: volunteer or coach. Just get involved with your kids sports (or other activity) while they are in them. Parents, and kids alike, do NOT get that time back. As a coach, I see a massive amount of difference in children whose parents take that little bit of extra time with them. That being said, you as a volunteer can be just that for the kids whose home life is maybe not so good. You can be that consistency, teacher, friend, and steadying force for our local youth.

We're adults. It's important that we take the time to show our youth what is and isn't appropriate on and off the field. We should be here to help them grow and mature, not hinder their growth or instill bad habits. Little eyes are always watching: what kind of legacy will you leave behind?