I heard about this story back in October when it broke and still can't get over how this arrest went down! Ah, Dubuque — home of scenic bluffs, the mighty Mississippi, and, apparently, some of the wildest ways to resist arrest. Enter Kurtis M. Kies, 43, who recently earned himself a five-year stay in the big house for a stunt so absurd it belongs in the "You Can't Do That" hall of fame.

Eagle 102.3 logo
Get our free mobile app

Let’s set the scene: It’s October 29th. The Dubuque police show up at Kies’ apartment on Ellis Street to serve him a batch of warrants, including some probation violations. Kies, not a fan of unexpected guests, decided to turn his home into a fortress of culinary chaos.

Ignoring the officers' calls that he was under arrest, Kies tried the classic, "If I don’t come out, you can’t arrest me" defense. When the officers, armed with a key from the building manager, let themselves in, Kies upped the ante. He launched a pan at a cop, who luckily had a ballistic shield—because apparently, cookware is the new weapon of choice, especially for this guy. This is when police attempted to use pepper spray balls and shock him with a taser.

Credit: Canva
Credit: Canva
loading...

But the story doesn't end there. Not content with just flinging pans, Kies moved on to his pièce de résistance. He put oil in a pot, turned on the stove, and started boiling it. The man literally decided that the best way to handle the situation was to weaponize cooking oil against the local police. When an officer dared to enter the kitchen, Kies grabbed the pot, ready to go full medieval on law enforcement.

Credit: Canva
Credit: Canva
loading...

Thankfully, the officer saw the bubbling madness and made a quick retreat. Before Kies could turn his kitchen into a deep-fry disaster zone, he was hit with the taser a second time and then taken into custody.

Fast forward to the courtroom, where Kies had the pleasure of explaining his hot oil antics. Judge Monica Zrinyi Ackley approved a plea deal, and Kies got five years for interference with official acts with intent to cause serious injury. The other two assault charges? Dismissed, but that’s probably cold comfort when you're known as the guy who tried to fend off police with boiling oil.

So, let this be a lesson: if you’re in trouble with the law, maybe don’t turn your kitchen into a battlefield. Because in the end, all Kies got was a five-year sentence and a starring role owning one of the weirdest ways to harm police.

Photos: Dubuque's EB Lyons Nature Center and Pine Chapel

Photos of Dubuque's EB Lyons Nature Center, Pine Chapel, and the surrounding area at the Mines of Spain

Gallery Credit: Tom Drake

The Dubuque Arboretum & Botanical Gardens

A stroll through the Dubuque Arboretum & Botanical Gardens in Early Spring

Gallery Credit: Tom Ehlers

More From Eagle 102.3