It’s Thanksgiving, and Everyone in Wisconsin is Miserable — Iowa & Illinois? Eh

Ah, Thanksgiving. The season of turkey, mashed potatoes, and that one green bean casserole nobody really wants but feels obligated to make (and eat). It’s a time to gather with loved ones, reflect on what you’re thankful for, and—if you’re in Wisconsin—brace yourself for a holiday that feels like a well-dressed nightmare, apparently. That's according to a recent survey measuring the Thanksgiving Misery Index, from bookies.com. It ranks political differences, airfare costs, flight delays, and the cost of a Thanksgiving meal from worst to best across all 50 states.

#3 Wisconsin: America’s Holiday Hunger Games

Let’s get this out of the way: Wisconsin, what happened? On paper, the state seems like a Thanksgiving haven. Cheese on everything? Yes, please. Beer to drown out your cousin’s conspiracy theories and the political discourse? Check. But according to the Thanksgiving Misery Index, Wisconsin ranks as one of the worst states to celebrate the holiday. Why? Let's count the ways.

First, the flights. If you’re trying to fly into Wisconsin for Thanksgiving, good luck. The cost is through the roof ($602), because apparently, the airlines know how desperate you are to get back to your “happy place.” And if you think, "I’ll just drive," guess what? You’re battling snow, ice, and the annual holiday traffic jam caused by Gary, Indiana. Speaking of snow and ice, there's a good chance you could get stuck in the airport should a late fall/early winter storm hit (15.7% flights delay). Not to mention if there are lake effect conditions.

Then there’s the political tension. Wisconsin is one of those swing states where “pass the potatoes” quickly turns into “let me tell you why the electoral college is ruining this country,” or "guns don't fire themselves." Meanwhile, your dad’s bringing up things he read on Facebook, your aunt’s texting under the table to plan an escape, and somewhere in the middle of it all, someone’s screaming, “THE FOUNDING FATHERS NEVER INTENDED THIS!” Top it off with overpriced turkey (seriously, $80 for the meal?) and you’ve got yourself a recipe for pure misery. No wonder your bars are always busy...

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#28 Iowa: A Peaceful—If Corny—Haven (Heaven?)

Now, just south of Wisconsin, Iowa (my home state) is looking a lot more chill. Sure, it’s still the Midwest, and yes, it’s probably snowing (or will be soon), but there’s something about Iowa’s unassuming, Iowa-Nice vibe that takes the edge off. It could also be our love for Tito's Handmade Vodka and Busch Light.

Thanksgiving meals here are surprisingly affordable ($69), which means you can actually splurge on fancy cranberry sauce (not the canned kind, but the bougie kind with orange zest). The political arguments? Not as fiery. Everyone in Iowa seems to have silently agreed to argue about corn subsidies instead of politics (go figure)—arguably the least stressful debate of all time (here's looking at you farmers).

Even the travel situation is decent. The flights are affordable-ish ($508), and the delays are manageable (15%). It’s almost like Iowa knows it’s the Midwest’s cool cousin. The one who shows up in jeans and a hoodie, brings a six-pack, and says, “Hey, I’m just here for the pie." Sort of like my sister, who is a quote "Pumpkin pie addict" and refuses to recover.

#32 Illinois: Surprisingly Not a Dumpster Fire (Like the Bears)

And then there’s Illinois. Listen, we all know Chicago is the main character of Illinois, and the rest of the state is like its quirky sidekick. But when it comes to Thanksgiving, Illinois is doing pretty okay.

Flights into Illinois are some of the cheapest in the country ($332), which means Aunt Linda from Phoenix can actually afford to fly in, and she might even spring for checked baggage this year (progress). And while the flight delays (15.7%) are nothing to brag about, they’re pretty middle of the road (like Illinois).

The cost of Thanksgiving dinner in Illinois is somewhere in the middle—high enough to make you mutter, “I remember when turkeys were $20,” but not so high that you’re considering serving rotisserie chickens from Costco instead ($75).

The real secret to Illinois’ success? Deep-dish pizza as a backup plan. If the turkey burns, the stuffing tastes like drywall, and your sister-in-law decides gluten-free pumpkin pie is the way to go, you can just order Giordano’s and call it a day. And political discourse? Fuhgeddaboudit! Everyone's on the same page this year as the Bears destroy yet another promising young Quarterback. BTW, 11 of the QBs on that list were drafted by you.

Hey, Misery Loves Company, But Maybe Skip Wisconsin

So, if you’re in Wisconsin this Thanksgiving, we’re sorry. Truly. Just remember: misery loves company, and there’s probably someone else in your state right now Googling, “Can Thanksgiving dinner just be cheese curds and Leinie's?” Meanwhile, if you’re in Iowa or Illinois, count your blessings. Your Thanksgiving might not be perfect, there’s still going to be that one uncle who asks if you’re “still single," before belching and scratching his, well... but hey, at least you’re not paying $80 for some turkey and stuffing, while you prepare to cry in the snow and ice while waiting for a delayed flight out of Milwaukee.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. May your turkey be moist, your political debates short, and your leftovers plentiful. Oh, and save me a Leinie's, will ya!